Late last week, former Ole Miss Rebel quarterback Eli Manning, the first pick in last spring’s NFL draft, signed a contract with the New York Giants. There was nothing really out of the ordinary about the deal, except for the fact that it was worth $54 million dollars over 7 years, including $20 million dollars in signing bonuses. The signing bonus was the highest ever for a rookie in the NFL, and the second highest of all time, behind only the $34 million dollar signing bonus that Eli’s big brother, Peyton, received for resigning with the Indianapolis Colts earlier in the year. So yeah, the family is doing alright.

As staggering as the amount was, it got me to thinking. What in the hell does someone do with $20 million dollars? I mean, even being a single guy in New York, there are only so many cars you can buy, or so many trips to Scores you can make, before it gets old. Right? What would you do with that money? What would I do? Well, I sat down and made a list, and here’s what I came up with (in no particular order):

• A 2004 Hummer, H2 SUT, Black, customized by the West Coast Customs crew from Pimp My Ride: 85,000
• A Vegas Trip, with all the works (hotel suite, gambling, strip clubs, shows, buffets, Bunny Ranch) including a $1,000,000 hand of blackjack on the last day: 1,250,000
• A lifetime supply of Sonic chili cheese dogs and frito pies: $2,500,000
• A private concert for me and my closest friends by The Who: $450,000
• A Private Suite in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium: $750,000
• Pirate’s Cove Island, Florida Keys: 5,200,000
• Ronco Showtime Rotisserie Grill, Set it and Forget it!: $225
• Aston Martin V-12 Vanquish, fully stocked: 220,000
• 25,000 bottles of Basil Hayden Bourbon @ $40: 1,000,000
• 57 lap dances at Platinum Plus, Memphis, TN: $2,280
• Houses in Oxford, MS, Alexandria, VA, New Orleans, LA, and Palm Springs, CA: $3,500,000
• Honus Wagner baseball card: 1,265,000
• A Pony: $10,000
• 10 Tickets each to the Sugar Bowl, Super Bowl, College World Series, World Series, NBA Finals, and NCAA Final Four: $70,000
• An RV to take on roadtrips to the Sugar Bowl, Super Bowl, College World Series, World Series, NBA Finals, and NCAA Final Four: $80,000
• A little walking around cash: 2,000,000
• An evening with 1997 Playboy Playmate of the year Victoria Silvstedt: $1,000,000
• Grand Total: $19,382,505

So there you have it. I think it’s a pretty complete list, and I hope that if it ever finds its way to Eli, that he will be able to use it to make some tough decisions about what to do with his $20 million. And yes, I realize that I didn’t spend all of the money, and I really don’t care. I’d probably just blow the rest of it, anyways.

Yesterday I sent in a Top Ten list for the Guest Daves contest on 2 Daves Pick the SEC. For anyone that doesn’t know, 2 Daves is a sight that predicts all of the SEC games during football season. Their main goal is humor and satire, but they usually end up getting a very high percentage of the games right, too. Each week, a different guest makes picks with them as well, and the Guest Daves are chosen at the beginning of the year, based on whatever contest the 2 Daves decide. This year the contest involved sending in a Top Ten list. The only other rules were that it had to be about the SEC, and it had to be funny. They’ll notify the winners in the next few weeks, and next month the high comedy that is “2 Daves Pick the SEC” begins.

Since I tried to do something similar last year via my own website and e-mail, I figured that this would be right up my alley. So I sent them my own Top Ten list. I’ll still be making my own picks each week regardless, but it would be nice for someone besides friends and co-workers to see them.

So anyways, here it is, my Top Ten Submission for the 2004 Guest Daves contest:

The Top Ten Reasons Sylvester Croom took the head coaching job at Mississippi State:

10. Higher salary cap at State than at Green Bay

9. If the Sherrill didn’t get fired, nobody will

8. It’s what the Bear would have done

7. Free tires

6. Incentive laden contract promises “all the money Nick Turner can print”

5. It’s closer to Tuscaloosa. You know, just in case.

4. If the Bulldogs win the West, he gets to go to Atlanta and “get crunk in the Dirty South”

3. He had a fever, and the only prescription was MORE COWBELL

2. Three Words: Mississippi State Cheese

1. Being the only black head coach in the SEC beats being the only black person in Wisconsin