In the interest of full disclosure, I really don’t feel like I’ve had it too bad over the past weak. That’s not to say that I haven’t had a few cravings here and there, but they’ve been fairly week, and quick to pass. I almost feel guilty, because The Girl seems to be having a much harder go of things, but I try my best to keep reminding her that I still have nicotine coursing through my veins via a little clear patch on my arm, whereas her body is basically going without for the first time in quite a few years.

Last night, I had what I would call my first big test. We went to some friends’ house for a Super Bowl party, and I had a few beers while eating. Drinking and smoking normally went hand in hand for me in the past, literally, but I didn’t have those same urges last night, and I left the party feeling a bit proud.

Which is not to say that things have necessarily been easy. The cravings might not be there en masse, but that habits are still making it hard to stop thinking about smoking. I’m still rolling my windows down for no reason as I drive, or getting up at work for a break, only to realize, I have no reason to do either. I still want to smoke after meals, especially dinner, mostly out of boredom, and sense of schedule.

A couple of other problems have shown themselves as well. Neither she or I has gotten a good night’s sleep over the past few weeks. This is a known symptom of nicotine withdrawal, but I’m surprised at the significance of it. Additionally, my mind hasn’t been that sharp, and my head hasn’t been that clear, since we quit. I suppose that could be expected, but once again, I felt like these were issues that might have affected me for one or two days, but not for as long as they have.

And I think that’s where the fears that she and I have about this whole process are coming from right now. I think a lot of the time the same thought runs through our heads’ when we’re crabby, or upset. ‘Is this a symptom of withdrawal, or is this what we’re always going to be like if we don’t smoke?’ Obviously, the latter isn’t likely, but it’s not altogether impossible either. So I think we’re both just trudging through the present at the moment, hoping that the future brings some sort of symbolic light at the end of the tunnel. We’ll be leaving on Saturday to go on a cruise with her family, and I think that might be the kind of help we need to push through these middle weeks, and boy do we need some sort of change of pace right now. Maybe The Girl wasn’t so crazy after all when she chose this time for us to quit.