Late last week, former Ole Miss Rebel quarterback Eli Manning, the first pick in last spring’s NFL draft, signed a contract with the New York Giants. There was nothing really out of the ordinary about the deal, except for the fact that it was worth $54 million dollars over 7 years, including $20 million dollars in signing bonuses. The signing bonus was the highest ever for a rookie in the NFL, and the second highest of all time, behind only the $34 million dollar signing bonus that Eli’s big brother, Peyton, received for resigning with the Indianapolis Colts earlier in the year. So yeah, the family is doing alright.

As staggering as the amount was, it got me to thinking. What in the hell does someone do with $20 million dollars? I mean, even being a single guy in New York, there are only so many cars you can buy, or so many trips to Scores you can make, before it gets old. Right? What would you do with that money? What would I do? Well, I sat down and made a list, and here’s what I came up with (in no particular order):

• A 2004 Hummer, H2 SUT, Black, customized by the West Coast Customs crew from Pimp My Ride: 85,000
• A Vegas Trip, with all the works (hotel suite, gambling, strip clubs, shows, buffets, Bunny Ranch) including a $1,000,000 hand of blackjack on the last day: 1,250,000
• A lifetime supply of Sonic chili cheese dogs and frito pies: $2,500,000
• A private concert for me and my closest friends by The Who: $450,000
• A Private Suite in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium: $750,000
• Pirate’s Cove Island, Florida Keys: 5,200,000
• Ronco Showtime Rotisserie Grill, Set it and Forget it!: $225
• Aston Martin V-12 Vanquish, fully stocked: 220,000
• 25,000 bottles of Basil Hayden Bourbon @ $40: 1,000,000
• 57 lap dances at Platinum Plus, Memphis, TN: $2,280
• Houses in Oxford, MS, Alexandria, VA, New Orleans, LA, and Palm Springs, CA: $3,500,000
• Honus Wagner baseball card: 1,265,000
• A Pony: $10,000
• 10 Tickets each to the Sugar Bowl, Super Bowl, College World Series, World Series, NBA Finals, and NCAA Final Four: $70,000
• An RV to take on roadtrips to the Sugar Bowl, Super Bowl, College World Series, World Series, NBA Finals, and NCAA Final Four: $80,000
• A little walking around cash: 2,000,000
• An evening with 1997 Playboy Playmate of the year Victoria Silvstedt: $1,000,000
• Grand Total: $19,382,505

So there you have it. I think it’s a pretty complete list, and I hope that if it ever finds its way to Eli, that he will be able to use it to make some tough decisions about what to do with his $20 million. And yes, I realize that I didn’t spend all of the money, and I really don’t care. I’d probably just blow the rest of it, anyways.